


recovery

by depresseddemoness



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Eating Disorders, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29023443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/depresseddemoness/pseuds/depresseddemoness
Summary: Emily is going through a rough patch after seeing her mother for the first time in years and relapses on an old habit.major tw for eating disorders - it is mentioned a lot in here.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Kudos: 66





	recovery

**Author's Note:**

> major tw for eating disorders - it is mentioned a lot in here.

Emily was always held to a high standard by her mother. Even as a child. Elizabeth Prentiss cared and only cared for the reputation of the Prentiss name. She’d drag Emily to fancy events, make her wear dresses and make her speak to other ambassadors from around the world. She moved Emily all around the world, not caring much at all each time Emily would beg to stay. 

As Emily grew older, she just couldn’t fit in all the fancy ball gowns that she was expected to wear anymore. When her mother had found out, she deemed Emily as ‘overweight’ and told her to stop eating as much as she did. So, Emily slowly began to cut back on her favorite snacks and meals. Eventually, she wouldn’t eat for days, only eating some at her mothers fancy events. Elizabeth Prentiss was still not pleased, even with Emily’s drop in weight. She would ask Emily, ‘ _ what would the other ambassadors think if they saw how pregnant my daughter looks… at age 12! You’ll be prettier if you would just stop eating all of that junk!’  _ All Emily wanted was to please her mother and for her to love her like a mother should. So she started exercising more, and eating even less than ever. If she did eat, she made sure she knew the calorie count of whatever it was she was eating. She would count the calories every time, and not eat if she couldn’t.

She eventually fit back into the dresses she was expected to wear, but now she wasn’t pleased with herself. Every time she looked into the mirror, she couldn’t help but think that she needed to lose more weight to look prettier. 

When she accidentally became pregnant at age 15, she began to gain the weight she feared the most. She refused to eat anything, hoping it would somehow prevent the weight gain that came with pregnancy. Even after Matthew held her hand as she aborted the baby, and she was back to the weight she was before, she couldn’t help but feel even more ugly than before.

She fainted in science class after having had no food for over a week. She now had to deal with confronting her problems on her own, her mother didn’t check on her at the hospital, not even once. She knew that she had a problem, but it being confirmed by doctors scared her more than ever. She had to be force fed the calories and gain the weight back that she had feared for years. 

Pleasing her mother haunted Emily for years, until she was finally able to get away when she moved for college. She slowly started to get back on track, and began to understand that she didn’t need her mother’s approval for her own happiness. She could never get the habit to stop when she was stressed, though. She often cut back on eating and would bite at her nails until they bled when she was nervous, or scared. Still, she knew she was in a much better place than where she was back then.

Now, with the BAU, she goes out with her team to big dinners and lunches. She sometime would go clubbing with Garcia and JJ. She was eating the meals, and not just moving it around on her plate or sneaking off to put her fingers down her throat like she did throughout childhood. She’d finally found a place in her life where she felt free and out of the control of her mother. 

\--

  
  


Emily had been in the briefing room with the team, going over a case when she thought she saw her mother lingering outside in the bullpen of the BAU through the blinds. Once she heard her name come out of her mouth, she knew it was her mother and her heart dropped. They hadn’t spoken in years, and the last time she had any kind of steady interaction with her, she was at her worse. Emily was free now, and she was afraid that her mother was going to ruin everything all over again. Everything was about to fall apart. 

Emily excused herself from the briefing to see why her mother could possibly be standing in the bullpen of the office.

“Mother?” Emily asked, loudly enough for most around her to hear. 

Her mother just looked up at her, not saying a word. 

—

Her mother had been enlisted on a case, for her connections in Russia to help solve the case. Emily couldn’t believe that she could just worm right back into her life again, especially when she was doing so well, was doing better than she ever had before. She tried to keep her distance, but it didn’t work well because if she actually wanted to solve the case, she would need to work with her mother.

JJ seemed to notice the tension between Emily and her mother, because she somewhat cornered Emily when they were alone.

“Are you okay, Em? Your mom just seems to be bothering you..” 

Emily tried to come up with something to say to avoid more questions. “We just haven’t spoken in a few years, so it’s weird having her around again, that’s all.”

JJ didn’t seem to be totally convinced, but still left Emily alone for a while anyway. 

It wasn’t until the end of the case, right when Elizabeth was about to leave and go back to wherever she called home, that Elizabeth actually spoke to Emily alone.

Elizabeth began to walk over to Emily, to say goodbye. She gave her a brief, awkward hug. In doing so, she whispered something in Emily’s ear. 

“Emily, it was good to see you. Whatever happened to all that weight loss? You looked so much prettier before.”

The team saw Elizabeth whisper something to Emily that they couldn’t hear, but all that they knew was that it affected Emily when they saw her flinch and her expression turn to sadness at her mothers words. 

\--

Emily began to decline all of the invites from the team to go out, whether it was to eat, or just hang out. She began to close in on herself again, just like as a teenager, and it was happening all too quickly. When Emily would need to eat lunch in the office, she like cut up her food into little pieces, giving the impression that she was eating. if she did eat, she would tuck herself away in the bathroom at the BAU during lunch, sticking her fingers down her throat until she threw up all of what she ate. 

The team got a case, this time in Texas. It was the middle of the summer, meaning it was hot and humid at their destination. For the first day, Emily felt okay. She still wasn’t eating much at all, but she didn't think she would pass out. She worked tirelessly to find their unsub, and it turned out, heat exhaustion and starvation don’t mix well. Emily passed out in the middle of the conference room, while they were talking about victimology. The team thought it was heat exhaustion, but it ended up being so much more than that. 

When Morgan tried to shake her awake, and she stayed asleep, unmoving, the team became increasingly worried. The ambulance was called, and when they arrived, Morgan scooped her up, noticing just how frail Emily was. 

\--

Emily awoke in a hospital room, becoming confused when she noticed an IV in her arm to keep her hydrated. She sees JJ sitting by her bedside, slightly lying over on the bed, asleep. At Emily’s movements, she awoke as well.

“Emily! you’re awake!” JJ spoke with relief written on her face. 

“What happened?” Emily whispered. 

“You passed out from heat exhaustion, but also from the lack of eating, Em.” JJ said with concern laced in her voice. 

Emily didn’t reply, but looked down at her hands, one coming up to her mouth as she started to bite at her nails out of nervousness. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” JJ took Emily’s hands in her own, rubbing them with her fingers. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” JJ said softly.

Emily took a deep breath. “My mother is very critical of me. When I was a child she would always criticize my size and weight. She cared most of all about the Prentiss name and reputation. One day, I stopped fitting into the dresses that I was expected to wear to the fancy events my mother would drag me to. My mother was furious, so to please her, I started excessively exercising and eating less.” 

JJ didn’t say anything, but tightened her hold on Emily’s hands to encourage her to keep talking. 

“i passed out in science class once, after a week of not eating. my mother didn’t see me in the hospital, not even once. The doctors made me do what I feared the most, which was to eat. I knew that i had a problem after that, but it was hard to keep steady eating habits when i returned from the hospital, because of my mother.” 

Emily sniffled before continuing.

“When I was able to leave for college, I got a lot better, I could eat meals, and I could eat without needing to sneak off and throw it all up. I didn't talk to my mother for years and I felt so free and steady. Until-“

“She came to help for that case last month?” JJ interjected.

Emily nodded. 

“We all saw your reaction to what she whispered to you when she left.. but what did she say to you, Em?”

Emily looked away for a second, then looked back at JJ

“She told me that it had been great to see me, but asked what happened to the weight loss from my teenage years, and that I was so much prettier before.”

“Oh, Em..” 

“That set me off, and i guess i started seeing myself like i had when i was younger.” 

JJ pulled Emily into a hug, and Emily relaxed into her touch. 

“Thank you for trusting me to tell me this, Em. I want you to know that you are beautiful, okay?”

Emily nodded against her chest. 

After a few moments of hugging, the rest of the team came into the hospital room, worried looks painted on all of their faces. Garcia walked right up to Emily’s hospital bed, and held her hand. 

“How long, Em?”

“I’ve had problems with it since i was 9. My mother-“

“i’m gonna kill her. i can ruin all of her credit for you in two clicks.” 

Emily smiled at Garcia’s support for her. “it’s okay, Pen, but thank you..” 

\--

The whole team worked with Emily to help her get back on track. Emily hadn’t expected all the generosity and kindness, but it helped a lot. JJ and Morgan would eat with her at lunch on cases, and Garcia would always buy Emily snacks when they were at the office together. The team began having more gatherings at restaurants, and Emily got to the point where she could eat all of her meals again. 

Emily wanted to show her gratitude, especially to JJ, who heard her story and helped her through her problem. 

Emily walked up, and knocked on the door of JJ’s office. JJ looked up, and smiled at Emily.

“Hey Emily, did you need something?”

Emily walked in, nervously.

“I just wanted to thank you.”

“For what?”

“Letting me talk about my childhood and my mother to you, and helping me get past my problems again. I’m so much better now, and I owe it to you.”

“You owe to yourself too, Em. you persevered, Em. Even when it was difficult. And for that, I am so proud of you.” JJ said, while getting up and walking into Emily’s direction 

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” 

JJ pulled Emily into a hug, letting Emily relax into it before holding her tighter than before, Emily never wanted to let go. 

“Thank you, Jen.” Emily whispered into JJ’s ear. 

JJ didn’t reply verbally, but held Emily tighter than before. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!


End file.
